Daily Kos: Barack Opens Can of Whup-Ass — (w. Primo Eye Candy)

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Watch Joaquin Phoenix rap (IF YOU DARE…)

Buh-buh-buh-but WAIT, IT GETS WORSE!!!

(Go forward about 30 seconds for the part y’all really came to see…)

A Donnie Darko sequel? I barely got the FIRST one.

The summary, according to internet movie database:

S. Darko takes place in the summer of 1995, seven years after the original film. It follows Donnie Darko’s younger sister, Samantha (Daveigh Chase), who, in the wake of his death, has found herself at age 17 with a broken family, mired in feelings of insignificance. She and her best friend Corey (Evigan) set off on a road trip to Hollywood in a bid to ‘make it big’, but their journey is cut short when their car breaks down unexpectedly, leaving them stranded in a small desert town. When a meteorite happens to crash-land nearby, Samantha is plagued by bizarre visions telling of the universe’s end and it appears that their breakdown was part of some grander plan. When she finds out she was actually adopted by the Darkos, and that she is in no way related to Donnie, she must face her own demons and, in doing so, save the world and herself.

The trailer:

How gully is Vivica Fox, man?

Despite evidence to the contrary, Vivica Fox claims she is not really down with the Psychic Network.

In her official statement, she says: “Vivica A. Fox is no friend of The Psychic Friends Network” and is alleging that the footage circulating online “is using her unauthorized likeness, footage, voice and photographs as an endorsement of their service.”

Okay, for real?

This is the equivalent of a dude getting caught coming out of his side woman’s house, zipping his pants up while he gives her a kiss in the doorway,  but having the audacity to look his main woman DEAD in the eyes and say:

“It wasn’t me…”

And the main woman – KNOWING he’s lying – will still look down sheepishly and be like

“…Ok.”

Vivica Fox – straight PIMP.

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Terminator behind the scenes. (Christian Bale wildin’!) NSFW!

Apparently, this incident happened  on the set after a director of photography accidentally ruined a scene by walking onto the set. Bale lost it, screaming, yelling and threatening to quit if the bosses didn’t fire the dude.

DASCHLEGATE! (devil take the hindmost)

There’s an expression that says ‘devil take the hindmost.’

It basically means, when an attack comes, the weakest, slowest or oldest member of the group is the one that usually gets got.

Of all the Cabinet folks Obama wants, Daschle is looking like the one that will eventually fall. Even if he is confirmed, $120,000 in taxes is not something media-types can let slide.  A predator quickly learns how to spot the weakest member of the herd – in the same way, media types know the difference between a ‘fake-scandal that just fills up a news cycle’ and something real.

$120,000 in taxes debt is not an accident. $120,000 in taxes is money you tried to HIDE. Or at the very least, an indication of financial funny business that could be even BIGGER.

Either way, I predict constant poking and digging into DASCHLE-LAND until something truly scandal worthy pops out. Good reporters are like pit bulls on a bone – once they get their jaws locked into something, they very rarely let go.

Obama may look back and wonder if he should’a kicked Daschle to the curb offbreak.

Hard times + desperation = electing the ‘unelectable’

First, the bottom falls out of America’s economy, 401K’s dry up, equity vanishes and the stock market free falls – all while the sitting president diddles and watches it burn.

The  result: black dude elected to fix things.

Now flip to Iceland. In the last few months  we see the bottom falling out of the economy, the currency turning almost worthless and regular people watching their wealth and future savings take it in the neck.

All while their leadership bumps around doing nothing.

The result: gay woman elected to fix things. Oh, and a cabinet with just as many women as men.

Pattern?

I’m gonna say ‘yes.’

All the ‘isms’ and ‘phobias’- racism/sexism/classism/etc – tend to get chucked out the window in the face of a dwindling life savings, endless unemployment and welfare cheese and vienna sausage casseroles every day.

The status quo is cute when bellies are full, there’s money in the bank, and banks are giving out home equity lines of credit like jellybeans on Halloween.

But when the ship is going down, people only want one thing: HELP!

And in the 21st century, they’ll take it from whoever has it.

Period.

NERDGASM! GI Joe might actually be good?

The adult, sober, grown and responisble part of me really should not care ONE BIT about stupid G.I. JOE…

The idea that somebody would actually try to bring a dude named DESTRO with a platinum plated face to the silver screen is ludicrous, right?

And yet…

The fact that somebody could take THIS:

and make THIS?

Means

I will be RIGHT…

IN….

THE…

FRONT…

ROW…..

Period.

Commence calling me names now.

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Wild prediction! ‘Terminator Salvation’ will be the best one yet.

How do I back up such a ridiculous claim?

Exhibit A:

 

Exhibit B :

 

 

Annnnddd…Exhibit C:

 

 

BLASPHEMY, you cry? The guy who directed CHARLIE’S ANGELS cannot create the best Terminator movie – UN-possible!

 

Okay, maybe, but his competition is really only T2. The special effects in the first Terminator are so murderously bad that it gets disqualified offbreak. 

 

 

I mean, come on dawg! I can almost see the latex mask being put on Arnold’s face from here.

Plus,  people are already trying to give the third one the PHANTOM MENACE treatment (i.e., sweeping it metaphorically under the rug and acting as if it didn’t happen.)

 

Trust me, after SALVATION comes out, the unofficial order of Terminator viewing will be: Terminator, T2 and Salvation. Folks will fast forward right past RISE OF THE MACHINES the same way they whizz past the EWOK TAKEOVER in Return of the Jedi.

 

And yes, I’m sticking to my guns. For all the cannon laced reverence people have for T2, I believe this movie will ultimately be get more props because:

 

1.) It will FINALLY let us stare at the bleak, SKYNET controlled world we’ve only seen in glimpses, which is lovely because…

 

2.) McG’s vision of this future world dominated by robots is bananas. Did you see the GIANT ROBOT blasting everything to bits?

 

3.) The acting will be exponentially better. I HAVE to believe we won’t have to deal with a futuristic cyborg with a BAVARIAN ACCENT in this movie. Christian Bale’s acting >>>> Arnold’s all day, every day.

 

So yeah…Am I really THAT wrong?

 

Also, EXHIBIT D:

Common is in it. YAY for black people in the future!

Obama to Rush: you’re not slick, dawg…

Rush Limbaugh makes a fortune being the Charles Barkley of talk radio (i.e., the guy who gets paid tons of money to talk major smack – the more outlandish, the better.) And usually, whenever he goes too far, Republicans – like sports journalists – shrug their shoulders and say ‘Hey, that’s just Rush (Charles/Manny) being Rush.’

For example, during the campaign, Rush introduced the world to the right wing hit “Barack, the Magic Negro.” Inevitably, folks complained. Rush’s reply? ‘Man up, liberal tree-huggers! It’s just a PARODY! Can’t you take a JOKE!?’

But now I gotta wonder…is that changing? Is the Obama presidency really such a huge tectonic cultural shift that even a stalwart like Limbaugh needs to ‘switch stees?’ Or better yet, can he?

Obama barely loped through the Oval Office threshold before Rush announced that ‘he hopes Obama fails’ to get his economic stimulus package passed. This, while old folks see their hard earned retirements blow away like dry tumbleweed and young folks watch their kid’s college funds swirl down the drain. Against Obama’s Audacity of Hope – mixing cool Sidney Poitier and inspiring MLK – Rush was giving us the AUDACITY OF NOPE. That’s some grade-A hate, especially from a guy set to make $38 million a year.

But this time, instead of a knowing chuckle from his GOP chums, dude got a rebuke. Respected officials like Bill Bennett pushed back. So while the Obama’s look like the 21st century Cosby’s, Rush looks like that unemployed, mean Uncle that’s been living with your family for eight months who shambles up from the basement and tells off-color jokes when you bring your ‘black/gay/foreign/other raced’ friend over. (See: Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.)

And in a time when The World is Flat and Americans will go see a love story about Indian kids in the ghettos of Mumbai called ‘Slumdog Millionaire’….

That guy is just…embarassing.

Thing is, Rush is a brilliant dude, in a Victor von Doom kind of way. The tea leaves are telling him that hamfisted, Rovian style political brawling might be a thing of the past.

So now we get to see if anybody buys the “kinder, gentler Rush.” Right now, It’s way too early to say.

But when the Captain Ahab of the ship Hillary Clinton called the Vast Right Winged Conspiracy calls for bi-partisanship AND BIG GOVERNMENT SPENDING, you know something is up.

A stealthy game of political surgery is being played in Washington these days. But can a guy who brawled with a sledge-hammer for decades all of a sudden get loose with a scalpel?

We’ll see.